Writing Club Prompt: Describing Myself As If I'm the Most Confident Person in the Entire World (or a Toddler on Acid)
Last week marked the second week of the Very Serious Writing Club, where I send out weekly prompts to help foster a personal writing practice (join us).
Prompt #2 was this: For 20 minutes or more, write a continuous, accurate description of yourself, but do so as if you are the most confident person in the entire world. The prescribed audience is an imaginary person you're meeting for the first time.
For context, in the week leading up to this prompt I had been watching a lot of The Good Place, a show you MUST watch and which I will not describe here for that reason. There is a character named Brent in the final season who is objectively the worst. He believes he is the best at everything and that he can do no wrong. He’s obliviously privileged and cocky, gliding through life without an ounce of shame or a care in the world, despite his many shortcomings.
Now, I like to think of myself as a pretty confident person, but I’m nowhere near where fictional Brent is at with his self-esteem. Nor would I want to be - it’s extremely problematic! But… it did get me wondering how much easier my life might be if I truly believed I was the shit. How much less frequently would I undermine my own competence, get in my own way and slow myself down with self-doubt and excessive caution? How much more could I accomplish, how many glass ceilings could I shatter with the momentum of delusion?
While attempting to become this person for realsies could be disastrous, I did want to explore that alternate reality through writing and perhaps bring back a few souvenirs.
I knew it would be a challenge to write about myself in such a Trumpian fashion, but I didn’t anticipate the depths I would discover once I pushed past the obvious. What started out as a cringeworthy, not-at-all-believable brag fest gradually faded into a more subtle exploration of my most basic humanity. I became so bored by trying to aggrandize the particularities of “Sarah Mowery,” that I found myself reaching for awe in the most mundane aspects of myself.
In writing about the things I take for granted as if they were the BEST and MOST amazing, I stumbled upon a deep sense of gratitude for my body and mind and spirit. I knew the adjectives I was using to describe myself were absurd and hyperbolic, but from the vantage point of absurdity, I suddenly had a very clear view of my enoughness and power and beauty not as “Sarah Mowery,” but as an active and able participant in this world.
I wrote this in my journal in about 35 minutes and then typed it up. I find the first six paragraphs nearly unbearable to read, but I wanted to share the piece in its entirety to show the full scope of the weeds I had to whack through to get to the good stuff.
Here it is, unedited *covers face with hands*.
My name is Sarah Mowery, which is a beautiful name.
I am a good person. I give a shit about other people and I look for ways to show it to them, even when it’s hard or time-consuming. I am nice to people. I can create a relationship with almost anyone just by finding things to talk about with them. I learn things quickly and know how to teach them to other people.
I am an excellent writer. I have a talent with words that truly cannot be matched, because I am the only person who has ever lived who thinks and writes the way I do. I am good at identifying patterns and putting them to words and rhythm. I am a fantastic storyteller.
I am sooo emotional!! I can cry super hard at the smallest of things, and I can find a way to make seemingly trivial moments and interactions feel incredibly deep and meaningful.
I have a talent for procrastination. I can commit to do something and put it off to the very last second and still get it not just done, but done quite well!
And boy do I know how to be annoyed. OH, you have seen nothing like it! I can find a way to be annoyed with ANYTHING. Yes, I have that power and it is strong. But guess what? I also know how to get out of situations I find troubling! Yeah, you read that right. I can work myself up AND calm myself down.
Let’s get back to basics for a moment, shall we? I’m a fully functioning human being; it’s pretty fucking incredible. I have two arms, two legs, two each of hands and feet, and ten each of fingers and toes. They are all connected by amazing bones and muscles and tendons and then I have a pretty large brain that sends electrical signals to make them move basically whenever and however I want. I can stand up, sit down, squat, jump, run, swim, breathe really deep breaths, talk, sing, howl, dance, and be really really still. The only thing I can’t do is be totally, completely still, but that’s only because my body is working so hard all the time that its energy can only be fully stopped if I’m literally dead. So, yeah, I’m pretty powerful.
I have the best taste in music. Literally no one enjoys music better than I enjoy music, and I know all my favorite songs, which are the best songs, because they’re my favorite.
I can see every single color.
I can recite Pi to this many digits 3.141592653589793 that was all just from memory, so.
I can walk really far. Once, I walked 30.3 miles in less than 12 hours, through mountains.
I can be alone for days and still be happy.
I’m really good at falling in love. I’ve fallen in love six times, and I meant it.
I know how to take a compliment.
I don’t mind being hot or sweaty or dirty or uncomfortable.
I have everything anyone could ever need. I have a whole family and a family of friends and they are all the most important people in the entire world.
I have hair that changes color in different light and eyes that are blue with speckles of green and gold and grey, and I have a constellation of freckles all over my body and face. My elbows bend and my nose smells and I can taste all the best tastes.
When I smile, I can make anyone else smile.
I am pure beauty and I know beauty so well I don’t even have to think about it. I can find it in anything. And magic, too.
And love.
And guess what else? I AM love. I’m pure, undiluted love, walking around in the crowds and trees and grocery stores with nothing to do but play hide and seek with all the rest of the love. I’m love. I’m everything and nothing. I’m energy and light and sound. I’m actually you, and you’re me. Nice to meet us.